dilemma

i feel tempted to go out and buy a new bag...

but the money is reserved for my fernandes guitar...

how? what should i do?

i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
i am imagining things i am thinking too much
maybe im not but i think i am... let it come true pls

at home on a rare holiday

sad sad.. everyone else seems to have plans for today but not me. yeap i'm staying at home to study. wells at least soccer was good. haha. wun say more.

hmm i just like the feeling when ___ look at ___. But please dun do it too often or I will _____.

36 days

thats how long left to prelims, and I really need to rid myself of the distractions.

like imagining things in class.

overheard 2 gals talking abt some stuff today, particularly the tings which their bf have done for them which they tink are sweet and they are very happy about. Well, i thought their bfs had little originality, or have i actually done everything they mentioned and more? give me the assurance that the problem is not me...

38 degreez

fever on friday morning made me skip sch. The part which disgusted me most is that my mum thot i was faking cos i told her i wanted to rest on friday. How disgusting when their main concern is not my health but my grades.

have a feeling the doc botched my left ingrown toenail. Never mind. Feel like shit now, no more fever but my throat still feels like its an open wound and my head is constantly held in a headache position. Trying to do some tutorials now....

say it isn't so..........

Say It Isn't So - Bon Jovi

I just can't believe
It was all a lie
No man in the moon
Just a big light in the sky
I hear Disneyland
Might lose Mickey Mouse
In some giant hostile corporate shake-up
Tell me it's a nightmare
Please wake me up
(Say it isn't so)

I found a book of matches
From someplace we've never been
How come you hang the phone up
The minute I walk in
Last night I had this dream
That I was losing you
I woke up in a cold sweat shaking
Rescue me my heart is breaking

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
They did it all with strings Say everything's alright (couldn't be, not
you)
Say it isn't so

Superman don't fly
They did it all with strings
Elvis Presley died
They deep fried the king
Like some tacky cheesy bathing beauty
Dancing on the beach in a bad b-movie

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
Say everything's alright (couldn't be, not you)

Say it isn't so (don't give up on me)
Say it isn't so (don't give up on you)
Get me through the night (we'll make it through)
Make everything alright (couldn't be, not you)
Say it isn't so..

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
Say everything's alright (couldn't be, not you)

Say it isn't so (don't give up on me)
Say it isn't so (don't give up on you)
Get me through the night (we'll make it through)
Make everything alright (couldn't be, not you)
Say it isn't so.

quite amazing how Bon Jovi turned from being a rock band into a band doing such mainstream songs. Genius in staying relevant or sell-out? You decide.

I'm resigned already yea. Now I just wanna re-make good friends and remain friends. That's really all I want. Maybe I'm happier with a bunch of good friends rather than trying to seek a futile relationship.

Say it isn't so...

ta dah

i have concluded

the song is by hide with Pata and Spread Beaver.

yea.

when a flock of pigeons fly past...

watch out, cause they shit together.

Why does all these bad things seem to come at the same time?

I hate Mrs Ong.
I am angry with my parents.

Hate #1: Mrs Ong called home on Tuesday after I told her my mum was overseas. She wanted to speak to my mum so I told her the truth that she won't be back till Saturday. She didn't trust me and called home anyway. Hate #2: She told my dad about my results and "recommended" that I had tuition. Hate #3: The next day she didn't even bother to hear my explanation for not doing her revision worksheets and JCT corrections. The reason was I was trying so hard to prepare her tutorial for her lesson.

Now to my parents. Obviously they don't know me at all. To the point that if I run away from home, they would only be able to call my long lost primary school friends. Obviously they'll slam the phone on her. She doesn't even have an idea who my close friends are or what's bothering me. No-one in my family does anyways. So the first things my dad did once my mum came home was to tell her about the phone call. And she came in to clarify my results. Damn fuck. And again asked me to have tuition.

Chee bai. I WILL NOT GO FOR TUITION! All the worst things in this world are done with the best intentions, and I really don't give a fuck what those intentions are. Asking me to go for tuition is VERY HURTFUL. I don't want to have the tuition teacher claiming my credit, what the fuck I'm not even struggling to grasp the subjects, just ask anyone. There are many other factors to failing June Common Test that badly other than not knowing what was tested. I can forgive Mrs Ong cause she probably doesn't know about it. Mr Seng does, Mr Loh does, Ms Joy Tan does and I think Mr Woo does. SO they don't ask me why I failed JCT ever again since then. And my parents don't exactly care the reasons cause the bottom line is I FAILED! Hence I need desperate help and they are raising all the big hoo-haa in the world in case I don't go to uni.

It's INSULTING me if you ask me to go for tuition. Maybe its worthless man's pride or what, I'd rather give up than be forced to seek help. When I need it i'll look for help, but that's none of your business cause I won't look for you.

Bad month it has been.. or bad two months. Bad stuff happening and they all just come at once.

burst of inspiration

I've been wondering why i posted the previous two posts. Too personal? Maybe. Probably just to make myself feel better.

Know why Anakin turned to the dark side? Cause the dark side was powerful. Yea I got a sudden burst of inspritation by drawing on my "dark side". Been having sudden bursts recently just keep forgetting to record them.

But I have this big big inspiration.

In a few years when everything has long gone to become mere memories I shall personally direct a drama series with my own personal life story. I'll be the protagonist, you'll be the evil one. It's gonna be a smashing storyline with love triangles, betrayals and yea, of course, hate, since that's such an easy source of inspiration. Maybe not that much, cause at the end of the day you'll be reflected as the bad evil woman who comes to no good and I'm the one who achieves enlightenment and a fairy tale ending. I'll pack it in with the heavy metal music and powerful rock music. Sentimental scenes with my true one will have emo soundtracks with rock ballads I thought of. And I'm gonna put rock stars in as actors, with cut-scene MTVs like they do it in Bollywood.

Man I can't help thinking I'm a genius.

It's so gonna rawk, and I'll become a cult hero.

Hah.

That's decided then, my hate shall be my drive for the time being. Until I find someone who's real and true, I shall love everyone equally, try not to discriminate and hate you and only you. I feel so evil but more powerful. Maybe I'm really turning into the dark side lol.