cause i had a bad day

Today was probably the WORST exam experience I've ever had in NTU. The irony of which I studied really really hard for both exams, 455 and 803. For 455 time management was bad and so I didn't touch much of a 20 mark question (i.e. I'm fried). For 803, well... enough said. You could only realistically do it if you are an A level bio student or a Sch of Bioscience reject. 

See, other than just asking very tricky questions, the evil prof decided to add a new twist, which is to have 'more than one correct answer for the question - means if I ask, Which of the following is/are true?

• A.Lyon wants a Gibson Goldtop 
  
• B.Lyon wants a Fender Stratocaster 
  
• C.Lyon wants a Zoom G9.2tt 
  
• D.Lyon wants a nice pink handbag
  
• E.None of the above
  

You will only get the full marks if you circle all the correct answers! (In case you were wondering, A, B and C are true. Duh. =D)

Yeah, so imagine if the questions are like biology questions. For the arts student like me... I walked out the moment we were allowed to (1 hour earlier) because I was so disgusted and devastated that I could not do any more to improve or change any of my answers.

A lot of other shit that goes on especially towards the end of sem as I feel the pace of life slowing down. I dread the 3 month break because I fear that people will all disappear and I will have nothing to do. I dread the fact that, after this summer break, its Year 3 for real and an internship, and then FYP, and then working life for the rest of my life till I retire or I die trying to retire. I dread that the shit that has gone on in life will continue to get worse, and I dread that some things will remain never mine. 

I dread that some of my nightmares would come true, I dread that some of my realistic dreams will be inhibited by unapproving people, I dread that things will just go so horribly wrong I would be at a loss to explain it. I dread moving all these stuff in hall back home.

So today I will take a real breather (these past few days I've taken too many breathers while studying such as DYNOMITE which is really addictive, the SIMPSONS, some first person shooters, Football Manager, Champions League, and so on... =D) and not think about my remaining papers till Saturday or Sunday. After all, nothing, and NOTHING, could be more disastrous than the helplessness at doing the BS803 paper. 

because I know it won't belong to me anyway

well who says one can't dream and fantasize?

Today I felt the strongest need to strangle something/scream at something/curse at something - to the point of ridiculous proportions. The strange thing is, I really can't put it down to any single reason. Maybe it's just stupid exams knocking on our doors less than 10 days after the last assignments are due. That's why I'm looking forward to the 3 month breather where I can spend half the time watching new series, meeting friends, playing, and concentrate on improving skills.

But half the time I hope to get some kind of job which I enjoy - maybe work at a guitar shop. In that sense I don't look forward to the 3 month break. I've been through this, it can be ridiculously empty in these three months. I fear emptiness and it sure looks like large pockets of time in the 3 months will be relatively empty. 

Went jamming with Desley's band on Friday - a bit of a 'oh gosh no friggin way' moment when one of his bandmates plugged in my guitar and there was no sound. With the soldering tools in bad condition and it's all in hall anyways, I couldn't afford to have to spend a day to solder everything again. Thankfully it's just a loose tone knob which kind of jerked the wire a little loose. I.e. it's okay now. Some people actually theorize that I play better when I'm stoned (tired, not high) it's kind of strange.

Stranger things have happened and most of the time we don't know why, just know that they do. Been through a couple of those as well, and when you can see it replay in front of your eyes again and again and again you wonder if this time it'll just be the same so just enjoy the moments, or dread them, while they last. 

My head is relatively heavy, my neck hurts, and so does my legs. I hate exams. 

grins :D

cost me a cool 85 bucks but, money well spent

big changes

That has been transformed into this:

thats like $3 worth of duct tape and stuff from a pasar malam. I know it's hideous and that's partly the point :D

for all of you who've seen my tiny miniature room before, it now got bigger (yay) by some miracle of ikea innovations and storage spaces - this could probably be an ikea ad. oh well i forgot what i was gonna say

now back to projects and pretending to do them

hi all

Hi all, this is what I want for my 21st birthday (i'm not really going to celebrate it but i would still accept presents :D)

It retails at $580 dollars so thankewww in advance (lol, yeah right)

ok i'll post otehr stuff you can volunteer to get me

this is my 412561241522th ongoing distraction

Strangely enough, I didn't really do anything much this week... but the fatigue seems to be already hitting in, despite the fact that THIS IS BY FAR MY SLACKEST semester ever.

Maybe we are all just like jaded from each long semester and yet another long semester, till the point we get so tired easily.

Watching this kid play makes me at peace and stuff.

One of my biggest regrets is not picking up the guitar much earlier at say, 8 years old rather than, say... 18.

Apparently you can learn much quicker when you are younger like 10 or 12. So why the hell do MOE make us learn the recorder when it's such a retarded instrument.

what a waste of life...

I'm sure by now you've heard of the poor dude who stabbed a professor in the back and then jumped off the building. In case you live in a cave but happen to have the internet connection to see this blog, the news is here. 

I don't exactly feel too affected, although when I first heard that he was Indo Chinese it did freak me out a bit as I tried to jog my memory whether I knew anyone from Engineering Year 4. I don't, and as a matter of fact I actively try not to know too many Indonesians in NTU (complicated la.). But David Widjaja's situation I can empathize with. I don't condone suicide in any way, neither do I see stabbing a prof to prove anything, but David's situation was apparently so bad it could crush anyone's ego - a top student on course for first class honors and then the 'world class institution' pulls the plug on the scholarship which is all so important for students like David. At YEAR 4, a short distance away from graduating with first class honors, and you tell a student "Hey, we're not going to offer you the scholarship for the 4th year, please pay $22,000 for this year's fees or you can't graduate. By the way, you need to pay us back the money we gave you over the past 3 years or so. Yup, now please continue with your FYP and try not to make us lose face."

Again, I don't see how suicide solves anything but I can't help but to feel a little sense of waste. I don't exactly subscribe to any religion but even I feel that way. So it irks me to see insensitive bastards post this on the ST comments section

Funny how posters come to conclusion is the professor who Intimidate the student first. What a coward way to commit sucide after an attempt to murder his teacher. Either way, he will be charged with a death sentence if the professor was killed. There is no escape for him for his hedinous crime..

On what basis is he a nice young man? Pychopaths may appear to be quite normal and often even charming but according to psychiatrist Hervey Cleckley, the state of adaption was named the "mask of sanity". It is reported the student has a antisocial personality disorder which is a common characteristic trait shared among serial killers.

Yeah you are a person with a personality disorder *after* trying to kill your teacher. You just look plain stupid trying to justify attempted murder. The online citizen, blogs and some other resources show even fellow students living in the same block as him are unaware there such a person exist living among them. 

If David had a gun, he most likely turn out to be another Seung-Hui Cho.

People are forgetting that David had a choice. In fact, he had many choices. He even could have asked his family for more choices or help if he ran out of his own ideas for choices. People must be held responsible for their actions.

It's easier to forgive him because he commited sucide. He became a martyr instead of an attempted murderer. Would people have sent him flowers and offered comforting words had he lived and stood trial for the stabbing of his professor? If Cho had lived, would it be so easy to forgive him? Would people be so quick to dismiss his actions as those of an unfortunate victim himself and deem that as having been punishment enough?

In an effort to forgive, there's a big difference between being sympathetic of what happened to him and the almost dismissive "He couldn't help it" attitude that has been happening. It is not okay to try to kill people.

And perhaps it thought it would justify his point, he called himself ROBIN KWANG. This is a man who is truly lacking compassion or feeling of any sort. Maybe he was raped as a child, or maybe he just was born without a heart. I mean what the fuck sort of guy name is ROBIN anyway? No matter what, David was partly the victim here. Again I don't condone David's actions, but at least we can all empathize? What's wrong with some people.

On a little lighter side, a friend told me that her mum called her and told her to stay away from all her Indonesian friends (i.e. me) which is well... you decide for yourself how ridiculous that is. Unfortunately some people (like the abovementioned beast) seem to be able to draw the connection between a troubled Indonesian student and that all Indonesians are suddenly mentally unstable potential murderers. I know I play L4D and I enjoy shooting virtual humans sometimes, but I have no such urges. Now I can begin to feel what Banglas feel when we say "wah more Bangla more crime". Please, I thought Singapore had more educated people.