adios exams (soon), hola floyd rose!

Whoa... most of my papers are over (yay) only Espanol is left next Tuesday. Finally most of the exams are over yay! Let's not try to think of the result. Haha.

Okay I'm feeling a bit tired from all the exam and studying a bit of Spanish today.

And after 6 weeks in the workshop my guitar is finally back!! Yay! Look at the floyd rose! Haha. It's worth the wait I guess, good workmanship. Only wished they didn't leave THAT many fingerprints on my guitar. Haha.

messages

Velvet Revolver - Messages
Honey so long, nice to see you
Won't be long before I come back home
When the plane lands, will you reach me
Will you call me on the telephone

Tell my son I wish I never yelled at him yesterday
Cause everything's changed
Radar signal seeking you, but finding nothing at all, hey --
Blow the horn and call the cavalry there's something happening, hey --

Goodbye mother, tell my daughter
Have to leave get off the telephone
There's a problem, sinking feeling
Hero's dying, plastic armor on

Tell my son I wish I never yelled at him yesterday
Cause everything's changed
And you, you gave me all you had, hey --
I hope someday you will be happy, without me

Lost in a world thats quickly going mad
A human missile streaking to the ground
Angels and the demons fight to save the lives
While all the others cry

As for you, you made my life worth living, hey --
I pray one day you will be happy, without me

Goodbye
Goodbye.

I've listened to this song many many many times, but today is the first time I ever listened to the lyrics. Partly because Scott Weiland mumbles but mostly it's because my idol in that band is Slash, so god forgive me. Anyway somehow this song suddenly sounds really nice now after I've heard what it is actually about... essentially a man who is leaving goodbye messages apologizing to his family for all the (presumably) bad things he had done. It's probably kind of like a suicide note in a sense like Pink Spider I'd guess, for those who subscribe to that argument (I don't).

Anyway, today was the first day of exams. And it really is a big load off because 201 is a subject you have to study and remember. Ok I think I did quite well I suppose, now on to some sleep then last minute revisions for 203 tommorow.

Been watching Friends all over again - and I swear it is really THE big daddy of senseless dramas to fill up your time. Especially the first few seasons, which are seriously, frankly funny and entertaining (the later ones were drab).

intermission

All I can say is - wow. Seriously, even faster than I can blink, this semester is going to be over. My first semester. And on reflection it's really really fast. We started in mid-August and it's only November now, just 3 months and all the lessons are over. Exams are coming soon, and we are mostly studying, but this means to me that I'm one-eigth through my university life. 7 more semesters to go.

So as all end-of-semesters go I do need some reflection. Study wise, well truth to be told I am disappointed at what we are actually made to study in our first year in CS - honestly all the rubbish modules which have exam papers that any grandmother with an opinion can answer (not answer well but answer). And I just received an e-mail notifying me for my term paper grade for COM203, a B+, which I am quite bemused by because it honestly was a 2 hour last minute effort that is scratchy at best. So I suppose it's just the prof's way of encouraging newbies.

Been spending the last few days in which I actually have class studying in school, which is more effective than when I study at home even though half the time is spent being distracted by a lot of things. Case in point, today I woke at 11.30, watched some variety show until 1, ate my lunch, watched Prison Break and Heroes, then went to sleep again to wake at 6. After some procastination I am playing Football Manager. Then here I am updating a blog that's not visited often.

It's quite scary how people from CS suddenly know each other to such an alarming level. I guess it's time for me to get out of the shell of FOC. Frankly, I was expecting a lot more of my first year. So I would like to stay in hall next semester and spend my uni life in a different way.

unlucky

My MSN account has been compromised, and I can't sign in anymore. Unfortunately for all those who I care about and hopefully vice-versa, I don't have a backup anywhere because it is an e-mail address I started in the year 2000 so I can't add you back.

Instead, you can add me at doggieshaman@hotmail.com

shyboi88@shyboi.com

I think I'm a very shy person, really. [blushes]

Besides that, exams are in two or three weeks' time and like most other people I'm not really prepared. I'm not giving excuses but like I have said many times over, I think having to travel for so long and at such ungodly hours is going to affect my ability to study. I am not giving excuses either but I totally cannot study at home.

To add to that, I think this few weeks I'm not optimal - I can't really put myself in the studying mood.

But a wake up call will be that in Uni, every semester counts.

So I have two options: 1) stay in school to study every night, and take the stupid public bus back every night or 2) stay in school every night and be an illegal squatter at someone's hall room. (Haha)

But like I said I'm a very shy person so.

Yes.

Hahaha.

the importance of spelling

Got this from a chain mail which because I am so bored, exasperated and jaded at the same time, I decided to open. And alas, it's actually quite interesting.

fi yuo cna raed
tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of
100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod
aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan
mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in
waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the
frsit and lsat ltteer be
in th e rgh it pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod
as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

hearts

I see hearts and I feel sad.

Honestly, I'm watching Grey's Anatomy.

first semester

http://www.darfurisdying.com/

Check out this site, I think it's a pretty interesting way of getting the message across - because fun and games appeal to most people. But to me I'd think it's a tad ineffective because the severity of the situation isnt as clearly laid out to the player as a high-res picture of suffering would have. Our lecturer told us to view this site and play the game during her lecture - and what struck me was that most of us were having more fun trying to escape from the militia van rather than actually get the real message behind it.

Humor is a powerful tool to broach sensitive and severe topics, but overdo it and you have completely the opposite effect.

In other news, I feel jaded and in need of a change. Hopefully changing a few facets of my blog will help, because I haven't touched it for the good part of a month. So to whoever is still reading yeap this is a rare update indeed.

Please be patient and wait a while for the songs to load up. You are lucky if you can hear them because I only have a small amount of bandwidth a month, so once it's used up well this site will be silent until next month. Yeaps.

School wise, all the CI Club stuff for this semester is at least, over for the most part. Means we'll have no more excuses to slack off. Exams is in a few weeks time, like 3 weeks or lesser? But somehow none of us feel prepared enough for them. Blame school, blame the travelling, but I'm currently feeling jaded and tired... Bored, solitary, going crazy. I don't seem to have anything to look forward to? Okay maybe not that bad.

Went jamming with Hello Daniel Club yesterday. I'm not going to elaborate on our band name. But it was a great experience. Although we were all unprepared (me, mostly because I couldn't learn Sobakasu, which was essentially 20 guitar solos put together, in two days) and faced equipment problems (I'm thankful for modern amps like mine and the ones I use at the studios I've been in. The Marshall Valvestate and Line 6 at the LMS studio is a bit greek to operate, and my Burny sounded very hollow and treblish no matter how hard I tried to adjust the settings. The Line 6 was greek too as compared to the boutique Line 6 Spider at TIET. Like how the signal automatically cuts off all of a sudden.)

Nonetheless I'm impressed. Joe's bass was kickass, our makeshift drummer proved to be better than all the drummers I've had in the past, Aloysious' vocals were awesome, and so were the female vox. Aloysious was also unexpectedly good in guitar, especially the jazz, blues and classical kind - and he's also a magician to top it off. The female vox's voice was really powerful for that kind of song. Ok I'm not giving excuses but half the time my fingers were freezing off from the music studio's air cond, and I was tired after walking from CS through mountains and hills and countless steps.

Ok, what else. The projects are coming rather fast and furiously at the moment. And as of now I have yet to begin doing my 203 research project. Honestly, travelling is really really tiring and time-consuming. Everyday 3 hours get wasted through sleeping in the train, and 3 hours is a long time. Not to mention the energy involved. I seriously need a hall room, but NTU is not the most efficient organisation around. To conclude, I seriously need a hall room.

To come to that, is it me or do I tend to feel isolated and distant at this time of the year? Last year before the 'A's it was also the same... maybe I've been addicted to the warmth of friends who aren't all busy with their own lives. Amongst everyone else I think I'm quite an introvert, most times I sit around with people I can't find things to talk to them about.

Oh, and I sent my mockingbird for a mod, a decision which I regretted once I signed the deposit. It's going to set me back by $500, $300 of which is "Workmanship and related costs". The tremolo arm, a floyd rose set itself cost only $100. Gotoh tuners cost another $100. Of course, Guitar Connection is like the old school workshop in Singapore with their experience with custom guitars, so I suppose I can trust them to do a good job.

And congratulations to Cheryl for getting the FOC Chair! Good luck, seriously! I've been through planning orientations and other events before, it's not even a camp or a large part of a camp, but it's really a killer job. Trust me. So thankfully you picked a competent vice-chair who will really be very helpful to you. I have no interest in running for main comm positions but if you need my help in any way just tell me yeah? Haha. Must be very random.

I want to know how my brain works, so I can tweak it to think in a certain way. Get rid of the sadness, get rid of the loneliness. Boost the endorphins and make myself happy and high all the time. Think positively all the time, not negatively. Look at everyone equally, rid myself of the prejudgments.

But that can never happen can it?

Now this is getting very disjointed, please get used to my blog posting style.

My hard disk drive is running out of space. I have full seasons of a couple of series and a mumle jumble of all kinds of stuff. And it is tempting me to invest further in yet another storage solution. If a hard disk drive is a container then data must be gaseous, because they expand and take the shape of any container they fill (yes, I remember, wow I'm going to be a famous scientist)

I wanna smash someone's head. Please tell me to refrain.

And I miss my JC friends. I realise I've not seen them for a long time. The guys especially. Councillors too. But somehow when we have left the school the bond isn't as close anymore. Must we always have a rotation of friends?

What's the obsession with clubbing anyway? I can never figure out why i) people drink alcohol in obscence concentration and quantity ii) girls wear nice clothes, skimpy clothes and downright sluttish clothes to clubs, drink like nobody's business, gets wasted and dances with every guy who's just there to ogle and gyrate and grope around and she doesn't mind iii) guys spend over hundreds of dollars a night trying to impress girls by buying drinks all round, dancing all night and hoping to get laid, when they happily forget to look into their mirrors and get a perception check on how people think they look. I am none of the above, if you don't already know.

But if my band gets gigs at clubs, oh for sure I'd come down. Haha.

Anymore random?

I shall give everyone a chance, an equal chance. So try not to piss me off because then I'll be unhappy. =(

When they say 祸不单行, I really suppose it is true.
Just heard that my grandma passed away today... and my dad rushed back to Indonesia this morning - my mum would probably follow in a few hours time. Yes, I'm a bit shell-shocked... but it was to be expected, she already lived to a ripe old age of nearing 90, already seen three great-grandchildren, seen her fourteen sons and daughters all make good livings for themselves amongst other accomplishments.

I remember when my grandfather passed away and we all flew back to Indonesia. That time I was really still very young, and didn't know a hoot about death and funerals. Then my grandfather died in China, they say he slipped in the bathroom of the hotel while there to seek some medical treatment. The kind/unkind thing was that my grandma's health wasn't that good as well, so they tried to hide the news for a few weeks - which they managed to do. I must imagine the torture that put my entire extended family through, keeping up a face that everything is fine, and lying to my grandma every time she enquired about her husband, while all at the same time grieving for the loss of a loved one. They said I was one of their most favored grandchildren - but sadly in my mind at that time, I remembered my granddad as a tyrannical old man who always denied me whatever I wanted and was very strict with me. Of course now I know otherwise.

And in Indonesia the family thing is really a lot closer together than anyone can ever be in Singapore. Every Saturday without fail the entire extended family would come together for a pot-luck, catch up session in my grandma's house. I remember it used to be very very crowded when my grandpa was around - we would even play soccer in the (not so small) porch and squish leeches and do all sorts of funny things as our older cousins and uncles watched/joined in. I remember how we would all excitedly go to the shops to buy fried chicken/all sorts of food there. And when the food vendors with pushcarts announced their presence with those old school bells how excited we would be. So when my grandpa passed away I didn't understand what they were all so sad about, even my older cousins who weren't that much older then cried like there's no tommorow. But I remembered my grandma's reaction when she found out... first it was disbelief, then when the shock set in well she cried for quite a bit. On the day of the funeral my family sat on her old car (its really old like a 1980s Toyota but very well maintained still) and I saw how her strong facade broke down completely when we arrived at the wake.

So now my grandma has just passed away. Sadly I don't think I will be able to go to her funeral... because of uni life? I suppose if term break came a week later I would be able to, but who can predict such things?

That brings about an acrimonious end to this week. And now adding this to my dad's plate, I really feel for him.

When they told me the news of course I had an impassive poker face. What else would you have me do? I have probably lost all such outward displays of emotion - the price a guy has to pay to grow up? Somehow I've forgotten that I'm only 19.

The good, the bad, and the very bad.

Have been getting up on the wrong side of bed for a few days -.- Like literally. I woke, sat up and hit my head against the wall. Ouch. That's a bad thing, really.

Didn't end up going for paparazzi although I am supposed to be the performing arts manager, I'm so sorry about that. Heard it was good, which is of course, good.

Haven't checked my blogstats in a very long time, so I don't know if people still read this blog anymore.

I am feeling very tired and sleepy despite having quite a bit of sleep last night, but I still have to study anyway. In the midst of reading a very comprehensive reading which covers essentially everything regarding the challenges to modern journalism.

Which is a good thing.

I still have a few days to study for Hao Xiaoming's term exam on Thursday, and since it mostly comes from one book and is quite commonsensical, that's a good thing as well.

Didn't jam this week because some people are tired and some are working. That's not too good, but I can accept it.

Knocked my head against the bus door when I got off the bus today, that's not a good thing.

Starbucks ran out of lollipops. Again. That's not a good thing.

I have two unread issues of TIME waiting for my attention; that's not a good thing.

The fucked up client still hasn't transferred the payment into my account. That's a bad thing.

There is a 203 Quiz comprising MCQ questions which everyone seems so scared of. It's MCQ. And it's 203. Which is a good thing, really.

Completed la portfolio de Espanol due on Monday, which is of course always a good thing.

Other than that, please don't read too much into what I say or what I type.

Cause none of it is good news.