so while everyone else pretends to worry and freak out

i shall pretend to study

-amen-

screw it with mugging

I don't like mugging. Cause it's so lonely to mug. Either I go off alone cause I live in a goddamned faraway place where nobody else lives nearby, or when studying people just don't talk. And suddenly everyone is an acquaintance.

All for what? In case people forget, A levels has no real purpose either than to get your ass into a uni and then hope that your life turns out right. Even O level certs get you employment. And those fuckers can be content, proud and brag about how good they are at physics or maths or whatever.

You think your employer fucking cares? The only education that really matters to them is, truthfully, the learning you get in the first few weeks of your job.

What an aimless education system. Pawns, that's what we all are. Economic progress is the main objective. Everything else is an externality. The economy won't stop to help people who don't fit into the system, in fact society doesn't really care. Serves you right. 'Advanced' level, cream of the crop, and all the flowery encouraging language.

You don't make the cut, you're shit. And your family will think you as shit. Society views you with little more sympathy than a hard-up beggar.

And you will feel like you are shit.

How many times have I seen it happen to people? Lives ruined over a slip of paper that doesn't really mean anything. Until the point that we are ALL freaking defined by a piece of paper.

And the "adults" just have it easy. Yes, we understand it's getting harder, but we have to keep with the times. Oh dear, your grades drop. Do you need tuition? Must I remind you how important it is to secure your A levels with good grades? You want to be road sweeper is it?

Yea, fucking easy.

So why aren't those same parents doctorates or professionals who've been there and done that?

I think it's just distorted beyond shit.

And in case this sounds like a desperate guy conceding that the A levels is beyond him, it's not. My family just fucked me up by reminding me of how great they are and what IS expected of me. So much for moral support.

So I guess that's another pillar, gone. Great. I have my feet, still, and I'll make em' stronger.

By the way, I'm quite prepared already, and maybe it's crazy, but I wish that tommorow will be GP, then the day after Maths papers, then Econs on Thursday, and the two history papers early next week.

Just hurry up so I can get on with a real life.

stupid russians stupid ref

Argh. Ok, Arsenal didn't play well, but they hell didn't deserve to lose. Fucked up ref, and assistant ref, please get some glasses Henry didn't touch the ball before he scored he's no friggin Maradona. Have the balls to admit your goddamned mistake arsehole officials you almost made me choke on a cookie at 2.10am last night with your stupid decision.

Even Akinfeev thought he was bloody lucky to "NOT" have conceded...

Oh well, maybe thats why CSKA are the ARMY MEN. Maybe the ref was briefed that some KGB sniper was on him for all 90 minutes of the match or something.

last day of 38

22nd sc minus a few absentees




















two people looking dumb next to a scholar

amongst other pics. People, send me pics pleaaaaassseeee.

I'll buy you a treat in future...

say goodbye, tada goodbye...

And so, 12 years of Singapore education ended just like that. 10 actually. In a whimper.

I thought the school was nice about the farewell thing. Probably the one thing they are good at, which is saying goodbye to the batch of students every year (and in some cases good riddance as well). Yea, but nonetheless, all my teachers were very nice about it. And the skits by Maths dept and everyone else didn't motivate me to study or what, but they were heart warming at the least.

And I really think the clock is a pretty dumb idea for $1.8k of J2 money. I mean, yea, the idea is good, but I would have went for something flashier, not a 0.5m wide electronic clock. I don't entirely know what yet, but I don't really like that red thing.

Anyways, I think I'm about one of the few people who came to school without a camera, but took pics with other people's cams, and I'm not sure who. So please send your pictures to me if you guys feel like it, okay.

On reflection, I really love all the people I've come to know in AJ. Yea. Most of them at least, some are just plain -eugh-. 38/05 turned out to be the best memory of AJ, not even council. When with them, there's just no pressure, everything is so natural, everyone is happy with each other (well almost). And not to mention the guys, haha, always joking and fooling around. I'd probably never behave with such wild abandon on such a scale but it sure is fun to watch.

Yea we all rawk.

Though, there are still some unresolved issues which are, well, unresolved.

Looking back and thinking about all the stupid stuff I did in the past two years, well, they were stupid. Ah what the hell I'm talking like Tohari Pajian, the sucker-"analyst" employed by that cheapass tabloid. With comments like "they lost cause they didn't score enough goals", "the ball is round", "the striker didn't score cause he missed too many chances", "the game is won or lost inside 90 minutes" among others. Ahhha.

Anyway, some regrets too. Some things pursued too quickly and lost, some things pursued half-heartedly and lost, and pure lack of guts to do some things which also go into the book of regrets and time past.

I guess I wasn't asshole enough for my two years there.

Damn.

Uni life beckons in 9 or so months, and that means I need to decide on my future. Which sucks, to be frank. The rest of the guys have NS, and for girls, well, i'm not being machochinistic but you people can wait to marry someone and have him feed support you for life. And contrary to several myths I'm not rich. My allowance is really too little to support my studying outside, and well, I'm not rich. I'm not rich cause I don't have enough money. AHA! Paijan-esque comments.

Never mind.

Anyway, I've already got my after As activities more or less planned out. Haha. Surprise, surprise. Let's keep the suspense for D&D.

I'm thinking of a new name for that white beauty being built in Japan this very minute.
I'm open to suggestions, anyone?

shake it up, just like baaaaaaaaad medicine

Hmm, two days to the end of AJ. After that I won't have to wear uniform to school for the rest of my life. Estimating myself to live to 70 or something, that's like one third of my life gone, just like that. Without doing anything substantial. One side of me rejoices at leaving the hell hole that is sited in YCK. But the other side reminds me that it's not the place itself, but the people running it, as always.

Never mind.

I'm drowning in sadness,
falling far behind,
I feel there is no way out.
Is there anyone there? Where am I?

Insanity and loneliness,
tear my painful heart.
Broken heart keeps on going to beat,
but it never stops bleeding.

I've been waiting for love to come,
someone who wants to touch me deep inside.
Memories of my yesterdays,
careless words and deeds,
masquerade of love.
Got to find my way out of here.

I was blinded by dark desire,
over time, I've been through it all.
I'm crying my share of tears
What can I do,
will I make it through
I must be true to myself

Voiceless screaming,
calling to me, inside of my heart.
Voiceless screaming,
now is the time, I got to speak out.

Voice of faith, now I'm starting to realize,
now my eyes can see,
I have gone so far.
I'm feeling breath of life.

And I'm looking for love to reach
someone I want to touch deep inside.
Light shines on my sight of doubt
don't be afraid,
move forward one step,
willing mind is what I have found at last.

Voiceless screaming,
calling to me, inside of my heart.
Voiceless screaming,
now is the time, I got to speak out.
Voiceless screaming, calling to me, inside of my heart,
knocking on my souls door.
I believe in myself and trust what I do.
Voiceless Screaming
Pain of the past still hurts me inside
Knockin' on my souls door
I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven.

aaaaahhhh -choo-

I can play voiceless screaming. Yea. I rawk.

Anyways, a lesson that all should learn: never leave people to mess with your MSN, especially people who are the cheeky and rowdy type. For I just just had a bad experience. Haha. Two buggers went my house to "study" and then eventually they ended up slacking and playing cards. Then they see my MSN online and start messaging random girls very weird messages. I dunno how many they got out, but......

Yea, so if on the 7th of October from 1pm to 6pm, ignore whatever I might have said on MSN, cause it's not me.















"little men" - yesh, i think they are damn cute, and sure they took lotsa effort to make. It's well appreciated, Aileen! Except for that uh.. little detail. HAh.

Are you affected by the haze? My nose, and my eyes get irritated easily, and I have permanent blocked nose but my nose is damn sensitive to haze, that horrible smog that doesnt belong here. And visibility is so poor.... I hope it rains soon, and very soon, cause then the haze will be gone, for a while I hope...