When they say 祸不单行, I really suppose it is true.
Just heard that my grandma passed away today... and my dad rushed back to Indonesia this morning - my mum would probably follow in a few hours time. Yes, I'm a bit shell-shocked... but it was to be expected, she already lived to a ripe old age of nearing 90, already seen three great-grandchildren, seen her fourteen sons and daughters all make good livings for themselves amongst other accomplishments.

I remember when my grandfather passed away and we all flew back to Indonesia. That time I was really still very young, and didn't know a hoot about death and funerals. Then my grandfather died in China, they say he slipped in the bathroom of the hotel while there to seek some medical treatment. The kind/unkind thing was that my grandma's health wasn't that good as well, so they tried to hide the news for a few weeks - which they managed to do. I must imagine the torture that put my entire extended family through, keeping up a face that everything is fine, and lying to my grandma every time she enquired about her husband, while all at the same time grieving for the loss of a loved one. They said I was one of their most favored grandchildren - but sadly in my mind at that time, I remembered my granddad as a tyrannical old man who always denied me whatever I wanted and was very strict with me. Of course now I know otherwise.

And in Indonesia the family thing is really a lot closer together than anyone can ever be in Singapore. Every Saturday without fail the entire extended family would come together for a pot-luck, catch up session in my grandma's house. I remember it used to be very very crowded when my grandpa was around - we would even play soccer in the (not so small) porch and squish leeches and do all sorts of funny things as our older cousins and uncles watched/joined in. I remember how we would all excitedly go to the shops to buy fried chicken/all sorts of food there. And when the food vendors with pushcarts announced their presence with those old school bells how excited we would be. So when my grandpa passed away I didn't understand what they were all so sad about, even my older cousins who weren't that much older then cried like there's no tommorow. But I remembered my grandma's reaction when she found out... first it was disbelief, then when the shock set in well she cried for quite a bit. On the day of the funeral my family sat on her old car (its really old like a 1980s Toyota but very well maintained still) and I saw how her strong facade broke down completely when we arrived at the wake.

So now my grandma has just passed away. Sadly I don't think I will be able to go to her funeral... because of uni life? I suppose if term break came a week later I would be able to, but who can predict such things?

That brings about an acrimonious end to this week. And now adding this to my dad's plate, I really feel for him.

When they told me the news of course I had an impassive poker face. What else would you have me do? I have probably lost all such outward displays of emotion - the price a guy has to pay to grow up? Somehow I've forgotten that I'm only 19.

The good, the bad, and the very bad.

Have been getting up on the wrong side of bed for a few days -.- Like literally. I woke, sat up and hit my head against the wall. Ouch. That's a bad thing, really.

Didn't end up going for paparazzi although I am supposed to be the performing arts manager, I'm so sorry about that. Heard it was good, which is of course, good.

Haven't checked my blogstats in a very long time, so I don't know if people still read this blog anymore.

I am feeling very tired and sleepy despite having quite a bit of sleep last night, but I still have to study anyway. In the midst of reading a very comprehensive reading which covers essentially everything regarding the challenges to modern journalism.

Which is a good thing.

I still have a few days to study for Hao Xiaoming's term exam on Thursday, and since it mostly comes from one book and is quite commonsensical, that's a good thing as well.

Didn't jam this week because some people are tired and some are working. That's not too good, but I can accept it.

Knocked my head against the bus door when I got off the bus today, that's not a good thing.

Starbucks ran out of lollipops. Again. That's not a good thing.

I have two unread issues of TIME waiting for my attention; that's not a good thing.

The fucked up client still hasn't transferred the payment into my account. That's a bad thing.

There is a 203 Quiz comprising MCQ questions which everyone seems so scared of. It's MCQ. And it's 203. Which is a good thing, really.

Completed la portfolio de Espanol due on Monday, which is of course always a good thing.

Other than that, please don't read too much into what I say or what I type.

Cause none of it is good news.

Stand By Me

Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday I've -
Gotta lot of things to learn
Said I would and I'll be leaving one day -
Before my heart starts to burn

(Bridge)
So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new... don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Times are hard when things have got no meaning
I've found a key upon the floor
Maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find
Behind the door

(Chorus)
Stand by me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be

If you're leaving will you take me with you
I'm tired of talking on my phone
There is one thing I can never give you
My heart can never be your home

very tired

Managed to pull a leg muscle while asleep. Don't ask me how, I want to know that too. That just added to my tired-ness, I NEED SLEEP! AH. But at the same time I need to study too, especially with a term exam and a quiz coming up next week, with me also having to catch up with accounting especially the later topics... And there's still marketing presentation, marketing project, COM203 project, etc etc. Not to mention CI Club's stuff and the obligation that we have to go for their events.

I'm really sorry I have ZERO interest in theater, drama and performance... But somehow we are all supposed to go for Paparrazi. I know many people are complaining about it. I heard the performance is bad, and those involved in "helping" complain of the lack of direction shown by those in charge. Both combines to make me very wary of actually going for and actually enjoying the performace. I know I am the performing arts manager, but I really really don't enjoy theater. So I really think I wasted $18 dollars.

Also been spending too much money, although I have NO IDEA what I spent on. Keep drawing and drawing and drawing. Haven't collected all the money from Jin's present yet... Somehow it always escapes me as to who has already paid me and who hasn't, at the end of the day I'm getting more broke. As such I have to scrap my plans to get a new amp, and a new stratocaster. Then there is DND, which as main comm member I am supposed to go. Like really, yes I know $30 is cheap for DND, especially at MOS. Some people are using the excuse that it is Ladies' Night so there is no sense paying to go in, but whatever lah yah. I just don't feel like the DND mood this early in the year.

Travelling still takes a toll on me. How fun is having to wait for 30+ minutes just to board a bus that is willing to open it's front doors? Ok I just want to complain. And I had received news that Main Comm doesn't mean will get hall next sem, which makes me want to strangle people, etc...

I have many things on my mind, and I guess it's showing, haha. I say "HAHA" a lot but smiling involves moving so many muscles I'm too tired to do so more often than not. So I want to sleep. Not going to jam this week anymore, which adds to the boredom surrounding my weekend in addition to paparrazi. I'm not even sure if my friends are going! I want to smash someone's head. I just feel like I need to let things out.

In other news, my mum just bought a 32" Sony LCD TV, for like $1.3k. It's not very big as compared to some of the current sets but it's really weird. My laptop costs $2.5k but it's like one eighth the size of the TV. And honestly I'm not much of a TV watcher. Honestly, I'd rather the $1.3k be spent on like, a cabinet amp. Haha. Ok $1.3k is not enough probably.

Actually, I am "studying" at Great World City Starbucks. And as usual things aren't going right, they ran out of lollipops, Wireless@SG can go screw themselves with super lousy and un-connectable network (since last week), I am sleepy despite drinking grande Cafe Mocha, and a fucking caucasian brat is making a lot of noise that manages to find its way into my ears despite headphones blasting Dir En Grey songs. Like fuck, kiddo, you are really tempting me to take the chair I am sitting on and smashing it over your head. Then I'd grab you by your stupid collar and toss you DOWNSTAIRS. Just so you'd shut up and recognise that no-one around here is deaf.

Then when I got home, oh "Please go down to Ikea, buy meatballs and other stuff. Thanks." With wrong bus directions to boot. Didn't know where to get down, ended up getting down one extra stop. Had to walk (with a strained right leg) one whole bus stop to Ikea, where I walked round and round trying to find meatballs in the Ikea store (it's not inside, I finally realised when I looked at the directory). Nonetheless I saw pretty interesting stuff in Ikea, like next time when I stay hall I'm going to ask for a 'hall grant' to buy some storage stuffs from there, haha.

We belong to different worlds
so should I just let it go?

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what you'd do when you are bored

What a long lecture can do to your brain.

I snapped another high E string today - drats. This time though I'm just replacing the one string so it just cost me a dollar... but i'll have to play less agressively lest my strings snap on stage... Anyhow jamming was pretty great, at least for a first jam session - we more or less nailed the original, with a lot a lot of impromptu parts and a long long impromptu dual guitar solo at the end... doesn't sound as commercial as say, the mainstream bands, neither do we sound like the oldies rock sound - guess we really sound indie! Okay another jam next week playing the same songs. And we also need a good vocalist who can hold his tune and reach a rather high note.

Decided not to go mugging today, because I was quite tired already haha. And when I passed Coffee Bean I saw that it's free wireless was Starhub, which I don't subscribe to. So I decided, well I'm tired, and I have to study alone, might as well go home...

OK I suppose I am getting used to uni life by the day - but I repeat again, not used to the travelling. Somehow or rather I'm in the main committee for CI Club, as Performing Arts Manager, who will be incharge of calling bands down, getting the equipment etc. So take note! I) All bands who want to showcase your talent, you should know my number already, if you don't drop me an e-mail or leave your email in my tagboard. II)I'll need sub-comm members and there's really not a limit to how many I can have - aiming for about 5 people to start with, so whoever is interested in joining my sub-comm can also contact me. Basically what you have to do is to meet with me once in a while when needed to brainstorm for ideas, help me to contact the bands and arrange to audition them, and help me with some of the technical work i.e. setting up of equipment and moving stuff around etc.

Anyway I had this conversation with an old friend yesterday - on the topic of "you are so pretty and cute, and surely you have a lot of guys chasing after you, knocking on your door and etc?"

me: well isn't that the case?
her: no! lol. I have 0 guys chasing me
me: aiya, maybe they all assume u are untouchable, all don't dare to chase
me: so you should be more friendly
her: HAH! U MEAN I FIERCE AH! NOOO!
her: then what can i do to change the misconception
me: well, you can act more demure, don't appear so fierce.
her: like what, "hi welyon ,... aiyo... i drop my thing on the floor.. then i scared to pick it up... cuz i wearing mini skirt... aiyo..."
me: ...
her: demure supposed to be quiet and gentle right!
me: that's not demure lah, thats so "..."
her: har then i cannot be myself, I am loud and i make a lot of noise
me: just dun be to fierce lor. Make noise but dun chase people away
her: harrr, i so scary ah... no wonder all the guys run away!
me: I wouldn't know lol.

etc etc etc etc/

her: aiya, must learn to be confident! you must tell urself every morning u are handsom and will get all the gers.
me: HA! Then people think i buay pai seh, seow liao, how?
her: DUN SAY TO OTHERS LA! SAY TO YOURSELF IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR!
me: haaa, really ah.. but my room no mirror.
her: ....
me: ok wait i on webcam.
her: EH! WAIT WAIT! I STILL IN PANTIES! OMG!
me: -.-
me: I DON'T MEAN TO SHOW U LAH! OMG!

HAHA! +D