When they say 祸不单行, I really suppose it is true.
Just heard that my grandma passed away today... and my dad rushed back to Indonesia this morning - my mum would probably follow in a few hours time. Yes, I'm a bit shell-shocked... but it was to be expected, she already lived to a ripe old age of nearing 90, already seen three great-grandchildren, seen her fourteen sons and daughters all make good livings for themselves amongst other accomplishments.

I remember when my grandfather passed away and we all flew back to Indonesia. That time I was really still very young, and didn't know a hoot about death and funerals. Then my grandfather died in China, they say he slipped in the bathroom of the hotel while there to seek some medical treatment. The kind/unkind thing was that my grandma's health wasn't that good as well, so they tried to hide the news for a few weeks - which they managed to do. I must imagine the torture that put my entire extended family through, keeping up a face that everything is fine, and lying to my grandma every time she enquired about her husband, while all at the same time grieving for the loss of a loved one. They said I was one of their most favored grandchildren - but sadly in my mind at that time, I remembered my granddad as a tyrannical old man who always denied me whatever I wanted and was very strict with me. Of course now I know otherwise.

And in Indonesia the family thing is really a lot closer together than anyone can ever be in Singapore. Every Saturday without fail the entire extended family would come together for a pot-luck, catch up session in my grandma's house. I remember it used to be very very crowded when my grandpa was around - we would even play soccer in the (not so small) porch and squish leeches and do all sorts of funny things as our older cousins and uncles watched/joined in. I remember how we would all excitedly go to the shops to buy fried chicken/all sorts of food there. And when the food vendors with pushcarts announced their presence with those old school bells how excited we would be. So when my grandpa passed away I didn't understand what they were all so sad about, even my older cousins who weren't that much older then cried like there's no tommorow. But I remembered my grandma's reaction when she found out... first it was disbelief, then when the shock set in well she cried for quite a bit. On the day of the funeral my family sat on her old car (its really old like a 1980s Toyota but very well maintained still) and I saw how her strong facade broke down completely when we arrived at the wake.

So now my grandma has just passed away. Sadly I don't think I will be able to go to her funeral... because of uni life? I suppose if term break came a week later I would be able to, but who can predict such things?

That brings about an acrimonious end to this week. And now adding this to my dad's plate, I really feel for him.

When they told me the news of course I had an impassive poker face. What else would you have me do? I have probably lost all such outward displays of emotion - the price a guy has to pay to grow up? Somehow I've forgotten that I'm only 19.