emo moment

Voiceless Screaming - X Japan

I'm drowning in sadness
Falling far behind
I feel there is just no way out
Is there anyone there? Where am I?

Insanity and loneliness
Tear my painful heart
Broken heart keeps on going to beat
But it never stops bleeding

I've been waiting for love to come
Someone who wants to touch me inside
Memories of my yesterdays

Careless words and deeds
Masquerade of love
Gotta find my way outta here

I was blinded be dark desire
Over time I've been through it all
I'm crying my share of tears

What can I do
Will I make it through
I must be true to myself

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless Screaming
Now is the time I got to speak out

Voice of faith, I'm starting to realize
Now my eyes can see
I have gone so far
I'm feeling breath of life

And I'm looking for love to reach
Someone I want to touch deep inside
Light shines on my sight of doubt
Don't be afraid
Move forward one step
Willing mind is what I have found at last

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless Screaming
Now is the time I got to speak out

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Knockin' on my soul's door
I belive in myself and trust what I do

Voiceless Screaming
Pain of the past still hurts me inside
Knockin' on my soul's door
I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven

I almost forgot how beautiful this song is... would really love to pull it off, but I need a powerful vox (which I am not) and another guitarist who can play it... the main problem with this song is most guitarists (not including me) aren't very good with barre chords, which this song really needs in abundance because it's not as nice if the strings are not allowed to ring. Plus, I also need a REAL acoustic guitar! My ovation imitation is too soft and shallow for this song to sound beautiful...

And not to say, I suppose many people can identify with this song...

Suddenly I'm like quite hardworking. Hardworking = taking time out to study out of my mandatory rest days - went with Pear to 'mug' on Friday, more like to catch up on the accounting stuffs I missed cause I couldn't take the subject in time, and today went with Melv to just err.. do some readings. Both days I brought laptop, and half the time I was playing FM.

But wells, the first issue of TIME arrived like yesterday, and I've finished reading the whole issue like today. *claps* So I guess it's not that wasted after all, haha.

A bit more about our stuff today - went to Orchid Country Club to "recee" the venue. To be honest I didn't know anything about what was going on, I'm just the guitarist. So when he said "wear formal" it didn't quite make sense because wasn't he the person hiring the services of the country club and not the other way round? Anyway me and the drummer ended up stoning, playing the classical guitar while they discussed "business". And the smoke really kills me. Anyway, it's a pretty cool place to have like our first official paid gig, haha. Like a very long and wide ballroom, with the stage going to be extended into 3 prongs - much like the X Japan stage? 1 guitarist (me) hogging one and the other probably sharing the other with the bassist. Pretty cool, though it means I'd have to invest in a wireless system sooner rather than later. And so I suppose I'm quite looking forward to jamming again and then to the gig, which is like in November.

School has been getting better I guess, after a while of getting used to the pace. It's not exactly breakneck, but it's not leisurely either... and not staying in hall really pisses me off at times because I have to wait like long periods in others' rooms, sometimes alone. That really sucks, plus the daily tussle for buses during rush hour, and never being able to get seats on the train ride to Boon Lay. Of course my parents still say "don't worry, just get used to it" but they don't take the train at rush hour to Boon Lay and back everyday do they? And I recently discovered my dear sisters who "coped well enough" actually could do so cause they cabbed to school like nearly EVERYDAY? And not staying in hall makes me feel distant from my friends - when I go back home I go back to this empty shell of a room, so transparent and reclusive at the same time. Its like, whatever I do inside you can hear outside, but there's nobody outside cause everyone just does what they want/need/feel like doing. The stupid furniture is really getting on my nerves, my stuff gets missing, fucking ants crawl everywhere where I put my coffee/food/fruits... Friggin reference books are like finding their own permanent corner in my little cubicle. My multi FX and pedals are like eating batteries as though they were MacFries... I don't want to sound like a spoilt bastard - which on reflection I am not. But I have nothing to look forward to when I'm home - other than my guitars and some computer games.

This week has been quite 'happening' in the wrong sense... In a way I feel that what she's doing is wrong - I mean she should have known right from the start that this would happen some day, I did in fact remember telling her. In a way I guess I feel bad for everyone, because they are like causing each other undue misery by all refusing to change their viewpoints. In a way I hate this situation cause I'm caught in the quandary. What do you do when you are expected to be non-neutral?

Thanks to everyone who wished me well, Thanks Ben, Edwin and Eden for the Kbox and the pool session! (Yeah who say 4 guys can't Kbox lol) Thanks krist (miss terror!) Xuemin and Nabing for the sandals! =D) Thanks Jin for your guitar cleaning cloth! (Yeap though we are quite different I must admit you are darn nice guy!) Thanks Fly and Melv for the earphones! (It's still unopened but hell, it looks good =D) Thanks everyone else for the cake. My parents gave me an ang-pow but I really don't blame them for not doing anything more considering what happened. And thanks to everyone else who forgotten but will wish me after reading this post. Yeap, I suppose August is usually the time period when I'd feel a lot better about who I am.

Though this year is an exception... We totally like forgot to eat the cake (me and another OG mate share the same birthday so we were supposed to share the cake but it's still in Melv's fridge) and I only ate the small cake my mum got me like today morning. And the fact that some machine malfunction made POSB block my ATM card for three days didn't exactly help. Some very weird thoughts crossed my mind, and I find myself doing what I used to do - wasting my time in wait for the dumbest things. On one hand I tell myself friendship is the most important thing. On one hand... oh well.

The situation doesn't look like it's ever going to be solved, is it? I just want to like step out check into some resort and sleep. Like be a reclusive loner for a while and forget everything that is unhappy about this month. But my bank balance is too unhealthy for that, so *dang*. Maybe I'll do what I did last year - buy myself a new guitar. Last year was that cheapo acoustic Ovation imitation, maybe next month I'll get a Fernandes Strat =D. Deciding between a Fernandes Strat - to carry around and bang around and not feel too sad since it's only $300 and very solid - or a new amp, like an Ibanez or a Marshall mini stack. Somehow I am happiest when I buy myself presents!

I'm really still 19, makes me one of the youngest around. In fact in most of my social circles I am the youngest indeed... But I feel quite old already, and quite weary at times...

Ok a long time ago I decided this should be a *happy* blog so I shall stop where I am now.

And gosh, Kasper Schmeichel is pretty rigged... And the hottest thing in Manchester is light blue.

don't cry, please

Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you
And don't you know


Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight


Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby


And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight


And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby


And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

tired

I realised I've been surviving on coffee and overdose of caffeine in my first real uni week. It's so tiring! I mean having a screwed up bio clock that makes me sleep only like 2/3 hours a day, then having to travel all the way to Boon Lay and then sit through like 2 hour lectures and taking notes religiously. No coffee means I become some sort of clam with an evil stare and the "ihateeveryonearoundme" look and menacing intent. Got coffee means my tongue starts loosening up, and I go a bit nuts. I think.

Live music society's first day was quite disappointing. Okay, I'm going to complain and bitch and diss off people, I'm so sorry. First off I think the seniors are really amazing and all respect for them - the only thing linking them together to form this CCA is the fact that they have an NTU band. Other than that they could have refused to enter the CCA as pioneer seniors and everything. The concept itself is pretty cool, gather all musicians together then hope they click and form a good NTU band. Though therein lies my grouses. Okay, the Chinamen band was pretty awesome, musically. After all the guitarist played GnR's Don't Cry note for note without any mistakes. But therein lies the problem, they are Chinamen, and they give the impression that they DOMINATE THE CCA! Like everywhere you see they announce themselves. Now don't be mistaken I'm not blindly anti-Chinamen, after all I do have a couple of friends from the PRC, and they are amongst my good friends as well. But its really the way they portray themselves. Also in the fray were a couple of weird guys... shan't say who, but they really freaked me out. So I left early since I was meeting Melvin for dinner in nearby hall 2. Okay that horrible experience doesn't really put me off the whole idea, I'm still for forming a band in NTU, so maybe I'll scour the forums and hope for the best.

And I think it's the tiredness, but I feel a lot of sudden bursts of angsts and the hate and anger in me. As though I'm turning.to.the.dark.side. Ok that's a bit of an exaggeration, but as of now I'm quite hypersensitive to people's actions, hopefully I'd be fine after a nice little outing with the 38 people later.

Oh, and though most of the readers won't know what I am talking about, my high E-string of my mockingbird snapped, and I took the chance to use deep conditioning fretboard oil on my fingerboard, I was like "woah!". That thing is really rigged - my fingerboard looks like ebony now, although it's rosewood, and it looks newer than new, I'm friggin swearing that it's true. I'm really absolutely sure it's an 8 dollars well spent for Dunlop's fretboard conditioner. Oh and I switched to using Dunlop strings. Still ultra light gauge, not as bendable as a Gibson string but it's a lot more solid, especially with a 1.0mm pick.

And what the fuck is the problem with being a guitarist who can't read musical scores so long as I can play a fucking lot better than you. Just fuck off.

Luna Sea - I for you

nee hontou ha dare mo
nee aisenai to iwarete
kowagari no kimi to deai
yatto sono imi ni kizuita
kizutsuku tame ima futari deatta nara
kanashisugiru yo

Hey, the truth is...
"I can't love anybody" was said
Having met the feardul you..
I finally caught on to that meaning
If now the two of us...
Met just to be hurt, it's too sad!

kokoro kara,
kimi ni tsutaetai...
ki-itto tada hontou no
kimi no sugata wo
motomete

From my heart I want to show you
Certainly simply seeking your true form
Don't you think you still laugh clumsily?
Because sorrow still suits you...

mada bukiyou ni warau ne
mada kanashimi ga niau kara
kimi to deau tame dake ni, so...
uumareta nara
kaerareru ka na...

If you were born just so we could meet
I wonder if it can be changed

kokoro kara,
kimi ni tsutaetai
kizutsukisugi dakedo
mada ma ni au yo.

kokoro kara kimi wo aishiteru
kimi ni furu itami wo
nugutteagetai subete...

From my hear I want to show you
We were hurt too much but we can still make it!
From my heart I love you
I want to wipe away the raining pain for you entirely

I for you... oh...

kokoro kara kimi ni tsutaetai
kimi no egaoitsumo mitsumeraretara
kokoro kara kimi wo aishiteru
kimi ni furu hikari wo
atsumete agetai
subete..

From my heart I want to show to you
If I'm always able to gaze at your smiling face...
I'm loving you from my heart
I want to shine shimmering light on you, entirely

I for you.

velvet revolver - fall to pieces

It's been a long year
Since you've been gone
I've been alone here
I've grown old
I fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

I keep a journal of memories
I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe
I fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

All the years I've tried
With more to go
Will the memories die
I'm waiting
Will I find you
Can I find you
We're falling down
I'm falling

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

of cows, bulls and bullshit

Ripped this off Pear's blog. I swear I almost punched my LCD screen, but didn't because its MY LCD screen.


In the textbook corporation,
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called ‘Cowkimon’ and market
them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You feed them milk hormones to produce milk non-stop
You have 300 people milking them round the clock.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who published the story arrested.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the
supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and
now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk.
They go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine
instead. Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu

lunacy

This is quite a slack week. Actually it's very slack. My Uni time has officially started and 3 lectures have passed - and I regretfully say I should have stayed in hall, no matter what my mum felt. Come on, it's so bloody far and travelling is such a bother, really a big bother though I got a couple of nice folks to share cab with every morning. Going home is a further bother, and not to mention our rubbish timetables which makes us go to school for one lesson. Anyway aside from the core CS modules the electives I got instead were BM103 (Marketing Biz Minor) HH101 (What is History, etc etc) and HMS1 (Spanish LV 1). I really wanted to take Jap instead of Spanish but apparently like a few thousand people clicked much earlier than I did. And it took me like about one full hour of clicking to find a subject (History) that can avoid clash with the irritating COM205 lecture/tutorial. I think COM205 is going to be quite interesting and all, and I'm going to enjoy it. My beef is just with why the fuck does it clash with nearly everything I want to take!

Truthfully I didn't want to take an Intro to History subject, I wanted to take like History of Singapore, or some of the sociology modules, but poor me, they all clash with COM205 regardless of what I clicked.

Sometimes I envy people who meet each other for the first time and just click. Somehow that doesn't work for me, ever? I mean, so few people have the same interests as I do. Sometimes I find it hard to find something to say because I feel myself to be so different from the rest. Sometimes I even think I'm an introverted person? Or maybe I lack the courage to take the first step in talking to others? Sometimes I see people online, I feel like chatting with them, but at the same time I know the conversation will last but a few sentences of monotonic dialogue. That pushes me against talking to someone?

I suppose it's unreasonable to expect us to welcome strangers into our daily lives as easily as making each others' acquaintances during a camp. How long does it take to build up a certain level of friendship that when you ask someone to think of the names of 5 people that first come to mind, yours is one of those names? I know it's hypocritical for me to say this, because often I ignore people as well, usually because I'm watching a tv show, I'm playing my guit, or I just don't feel like talking about anything at all.

Anyway, this week has henceforth ended for me, there's nothing on Wed, Thurs, and Fri, and Sat and Sun along with those as well. And call me crazed or too rich, but I'm currently eye-ing a Fernandes Strat (Retrorocket) to let myself play Clapton-type songs which aren't that well expressed by my MG and my LP.

I think I have a boring blog. I should like start posting lessons on CJ101 (inside joke), HC101, HP101, SI101 and etc. Probably GU101,GU201,GU301 and so on.

mind boggling blankness

School is starting next week, and I have belatedly realised I don't really know what I'm in for. Some jolting comments about the future of people who go to SCI, what SCI guys will never be financially stable. Well I'd think that a load of rubbish! After all, we all make or break our own lives. Holding issues like relationships, lack of luck, everything we say to explain our failures are no more than excuses are they not? We are responsible for the opportunities that come our way, are we not? Who is to decide if we boldly take up the offer of fronting something new and unknown, instead of worrying about our rice bowls in the future? When our ancestors came years ago, were they not in the same situation? Some whom predicted a bleak future ahead for them. Some refuse to submit to their so-called predestined fate.

That aside, the stuff about GE, UE, PE and stuff are really confusing. And I heard the Freshman Welcome talk didn't really address any of those issues. And we are supposed to decide by like Tuesday? The good side is, with a cap of 23 AUs this semester, my ideal timetable will be able to keep it in 4 days of the week, with a few long breaks in between lessons. That would be if I overload. Problem with CS courses is that a lot of our lessons clash with the electives that I want. I want to take stuff from ADM, but they all clash with CS lectures. Same for HSS stuff, I really want to continue studying a bit of history on the side. Business minor is something I want to take, something I'd think would be useful in the future. Maybe I'd take a graduate degree in Biz once I've cleared CS? Or maybe even further next time.

Last week was the hall camps, and for the unlucky/fortunate ones who don't stay in the halls, we have no hall camp to speak about. So we had outings for 3 straight days, Kbox on wed, crashing a hall room on thurs, and chill-out session on Fri. So the rumor mills have started spinning, and some just continue feeding it with the seeds of other people's affairs. Gossip can be fun and keep us sane, but lest we forget for every juicy detail we speak of, someone, somewhere is suffering because of it.

In other news, I left my disfigured acoustic guitar in Melv's room, which is much closer to SCI so I can drop in and play anytime between lessons with his blessings. And for my ancient yamaha guitar, no-one seems interested, so I've decided to restring it with Gibson dura-brites. That means electric guitar strings, super light-gauge ones at that. Some people will laugh at me for trying to string a classical with metal strings. Usually that's disastrous, the neck of classicals and the bridge aren't built to withstand the tenson for metal strings. But that's why I use Gibson.

That sounded so much like a free ad for one of the most expensive guitars in the world.

Oh, and just as I was worrying about finances in uni life, my parents automatically raised my monthly allowance like by twice. So nice...